I often frequent a website called cafemom.com because they have cute little parenting articles. However, I couldn’t believe a story I found on there titled “Mom of Twins Confesses She Loves The Perfect One More Than The Disfigured One.”
Seven years ago the mother gave birth to two twin boys. One has a rare disfigurement that gives him only half a face. In the article the mother says that for years looking at her son would give her “waves of terror or grief and that she couldn’t bring herself to love him.”
I understand that it has to be terribly difficult to cope as a parent with a child with special needs. But my heart hurt for that child as I know that one day he will find that article on the internet and read what his mother really feels about him.
We may not be able to control what we think, but we ought to control what we say or type.
Kids are fragile and perceptive. Children pick up on things even when we think they don’t. Also, they HEAR more than they will ever let on. Those scars can travel with them for life.
My sister and I are 17 months apart and I love her dearly. For years she resented me because of something that happened when she was five years old.
Our biological father, being young and irresponsible, tried to deny her when we were children. He wanted to avoid paying child support for her so he tried to act like I was his, but she wasn’t. It was a farce and he knew it, but he lied to so many people that even his own side of the family started to believe it. However, my sister was never told this. My mom was convinced that he would come to his senses eventually.
I remember one Christmas When I was about 6 or 7 and my sister was 5, we went over to my grandma’s house( dad’s mom). They had a room full of gifts for me and NONE for my little sister. She cried for hours and hours until we went home. My mother was fuming mad, rightfully so, and made me give all the gifts back.
Years later when we were in our twenties, my sister confided in me that she had always felt like a black sheep, like she was living in my shadow. As hurtful as that was to hear, I needed to understand why. When we got to the root of those feelings, it all tied back to that moment in time when she was 5 years old. Although the adults thought she didn’t hear the whispers, she did! She remembered very vividly how she didn’t receive gifts from that side of the family and how my father was denying her. Those scars traveled with her throughout her life.
I guess my point of this post is to guard your children, protect them, love them, and be grateful for them. Even if they may not appear perfect in societies eyes, they are perfect even with their flaws. And they are perfect in God’s eyes. Be cautious what words you use because words are power and those same words may travel with them and mold them for the remainder of their lives.